


and remember me tonight (when you're asleep)

by bulletthestars



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Post-Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-17
Updated: 2013-02-17
Packaged: 2017-11-29 14:31:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/688050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bulletthestars/pseuds/bulletthestars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the end of the world, but Kimi races on, with Nico by his side.</p>
            </blockquote>





	and remember me tonight (when you're asleep)

**Author's Note:**

> fanmix made by me [here](http://8tracks.com/afterthedance/and-remember-me-tonight-when-you-re-asleep). you may want to listen to it as you read.

It's the end of the world, but you dance on.

The beat is strong and heavy, and Nico moves, cheeks flushed and heart pounding fast. They're safe inside, contained like this. No one comes in, no one leaves. He lets himself go, rocks his hips backwards as someone grinds against him.

It isn't safe outside any more. It hasn't been for what feels like years to Nico, ever since the spread of the Virus. People had fallen one by one, becoming ravenous monsters hungry for blood, infected by the bite of another. No one knew how it worked, but the Infected died just like any other human being would. A shot to the stomach, a stab to the heart, but the stench had been overpowering, and they kept on coming...

Nico hasn't been outside for a long time. He doesn't remember for how long, doesn't remember how it had all started now, doesn't remember how it had been like when he had been at school, spending his time in lecture halls learning about principle after principle in Engineering.

'You'd be safe here,' they had said, pushing as many people in to the underground bunker. That's all Nico remembers, as the beginning of the end.

Inside here, they can all pretend. They dance on, to tracks at the top of the charts when it had all ended. There's a couple making out somewhere to Nico's left, and the DJ's still spinning music, and they're bathed in neon lights. The beat of the music is obnoxiously loud, ringing in their ears. It's almost as if the Virus had never happened, it's almost as if they're outside again.

By the end of the night, Nico's curled up in his bed, wondering how it'd be like to feel the sunlight on his skin again.

 

Life goes on in the underground maze. It had been a relic from the earlier wars, used as underground bunkers, and when they had first set up camp in the world underneath, people had been surprised to find supplies, running water, electricity. It had been almost as if someone had seen it coming, had known how the world would end.

Nico stands underneath a shower head, lathering soap on his skin. During times like these, it's almost as if Nico is back at his university, living in the halls with his course mates. Nico feels the water run down his skin and he closes his eyes. It's like it had only been yesterday, when he had been sitting in class with his hand cupping his chin, tapping his pen impatiently against his table waiting for the tutorial to end. That's all he remembers of university, to be honest. He doesn't remember most of what he had learnt in his classes, he vaguely remembers lab work that he had done, but not much else. It isn't as if his university degree, or what it could have been, would come in useful now, when he's stuck underground with nothing left to do except to dance his life away each night.

There's a loud banging on the door, and Nico turns the shower off. He grabs a towel, wrapping it loosely around his waist and opens the door.

A man is standing outside, eyes wide with fear. Nico's heart almost stops beating; he knows this look all too well. That fateful day, one that seemed like not too long ago... He swallows hard.

'The walls have been breached,' the man says in a rush. 'You'd better run.'

 

Nico puts on a white t-shirt and a pair of jeans. He grabs a thick black hoodie at the last minute; he doesn't know if it'll be cold out there, doesn't know what season it is, if there're still seasons now that the world had come to this. Time doesn't matter anymore down here, and Nico has long forgotten the difference between day and night.

'Run!' someone shouts, and there's more yelling from outside.

Nico stares at the things in his wardrobe. In the beginning, there had been nothing there, and he had slowly built up a collection of things. A few articles of clothing, given to him by others, and a coin he had picked up, something that served to remind him that the outside world had once existed.

'Hurry!'

Nico takes one last look at the things in his wardrobe. He's got the bracelet he had since the beginning on his wrist, and it's all he needs. It had been a present from a long time ago, and although it probably wouldn't do him any good to remember how life was like before the Virus, at the very least, whenever he looks at it, he remembers that once upon a time, he had _something_. He slams his wardrobe door shut, and comes face to face with chaos once he gets out of his room.

 

Running is a mindless activity: place one foot in front of another, move faster. Nico feels like his lungs are about to burst, he's gasping for air amidst the throng of people, they're all running in different directions, and no one knows where's the exit.

 _Follow your instinct_ , he reminds himself as he ducks into a corridor on his right. There aren't as many people there, and the light is going out. He hears screams, he supposes that the Infected are not far behind, he doesn't know how they had managed to get in but now that they're here, there's no time for rest, he has to run, run as far as his legs can carry him. With that thought kept firmly in mind, he presses on, but there's only so much he can do. He hasn't been running like this for too long and he's tired so he stops, palm pressed flat against a wall as he tries to catch his breath. He gasps. It hurts too much, his heart's pumping too fast and he's unable to breathe.

'Exit! Exit!'

Nico looks up, cheeks flushed, shirt clinging to his back, wet with perspiration. There's a sudden push from the people behind him, and he stumbles to his feet before being swept away by the crowd.

 

The first thing Nico sees when he reaches the surface is the moon. He looks around wildly. There are houses around him; it looks vaguely familiar. The night is still, marred only by the shrieks of the people around him, and the streets are empty. He isn't running anymore; people jostle against him. Someone's kneeling on the ground, crying at the sight of the outside world once more. Nico wills himself to continue walking, he has to keep going, has to keep surviving.

But what for?

 

It feels like hours since Nico had ran from his life underground. He's sitting on the grass, back pressed against an abandoned shop. Some people had run inside, but there had been no electricity. Unwilling to stay in an area without light, Nico had chosen to stay outside. He closes his eyes, trying to get some sleep. He's tired, he feels like he needs a shower, but he knows that there's no going back to his life before.

There's a rustling sound, and Nico sits up, suddenly feeling more awake than ever. He doesn't want to run anymore; he's tired and all he wants is to get some rest, but at the same time he doesn't want to have come out here, to have lived for so long only for everything to end this way, with him dying on some patch of grass.

A loud scream breaks the silence, and Nico gets up. He has to run now, or he'll never be able to make it. He stumbles to his feet, holding his hoodie in one hand while using his other to keep his balance against the wall. His feet like dead weight but he trudges on and heads for the road. The sun is slowly rising, and Nico feels the heat against his skin.

Another scream fills the air, followed by more. The Infecteds are close. Nico doesn't want to know how they look like, he had spent so long pretending that they didn't exist and now... He shudders, taking in mouthful after mouthful of air. He doesn't know where he's running to now, all he knows is that he has to get away- ; he trips over a stone on the ground, falling forward.

There's a small gash on his palm, and Nico stares at the blood welling up from the wound, numb with shock. He has to get up now, has to move, the Infecteds drink blood and he's a sitting duck, the smell of blood is going to attract them like bees to honey. But he's too tired now. He just wants it all to end. He hears the sound of footsteps behind him, of people staggering forward, almost as if they're drunk. He wills himself to get up, but it's too much for him. He's going to be eaten alive, he knows it, he takes a deep breath as he hears the footsteps getting nearer when-

 _Bang_!

Startled, Nico turns around. He comes face to face with a man lying on the ground, with blood pouring from his head. There're bloodstains around his lips, and Nico shivers. This is how an Infected looks like, no different from your average human being.

'What the fuck are you doing?'

Nico looks up, the voice belongs to a man, he's hardly able to make out how he looks like given how dizzy he feels and how the sun is shining directly into his eyes. 'I don't know,' he says.

 

They wind up in a dirty, run down motel, far from where Nico had run from. The man's car is parked outside; they had been driving for the past few hours before finally stopping in a small town, main road dimly lit by street lights. Nico sits at the edge of the bed, holding his hand out as the man bandages his wound. He had said his name was Kimi, and Nico finds himself staring at the tattoo of a sun on his wrist, with a smiley face on it.

'There are more of you, from where you came from,' Kimi says, while tightening the bandage on Nico's hand.

'Yes,' Nico says, wincing. 'We had been living there for a while. It had been good. We had water, electricity, food too. It's as if someone had taken precautions.'

At the mention of this, Kimi stops, and looks at Nico. Nico swallows hard, trying not to flinch under Kimi's gaze. His eyes are a brilliant shade of green, light and piercing, almost as if he'd see through anything he looks at.

'How long have you been living there?'

'I don't know. Time stopped for us.'

'It's been half a year since the Virus spread. Things have changed,' Kimi says. He ties up the bandage on Nico's wound, and lets go.

'I see,' Nico says, biting his lower lip. 'How are things like now?'

 

The infection has been contained in certain areas, but there are areas in which the Virus runs rampant. Of course, there are groups of people who have gone underground, like Nico's group. The city had pushed the Infected down underground in a bid to contain the spread of the Virus, but it had been useless. At the beginning, hospitals offered the Infected blood, helping to keep them calm. Some hospitals took to offering euthanasia, while some hospitals let the Infected live, determined to help the people affected by the Virus. But over time, the hospitals and blood banks in the city had run out of blood. People had fled from the city, and no one had been willing to give blood as they had no idea how the virus spread. Some people had said it spread just like HIV. No one knew for sure. Kimi tells Nico that their city had been abandoned a week ago, and the breach in their underground world had probably been because of that, when people 'Up There' had decided to seal off the city. They had been lucky enough to escape.

The town where Kimi and Nico are now is largely abandoned, and it's anybody's game. It seems as if people are living as per normal, as if the Infection had never happened, given how there's still a motel with an actual restaurant.

Nico had been taking small sips of his soup as he listened to Kimi, he hasn't tasted soup like this for a long time, and it tastes divine. There's cream in the soup, and Nico had been surprised to learn that animals still existed, and some had survived.

Kimi's eyes fixed on Nico throughout their meal. Nico's cheeks flush, and he shifts uncomfortably under Kimi's gaze.

'Is there something wrong?' Nico asks, suddenly feeling self-conscious. He's not used to this, being in close proximity with someone else. He had been surrounded by people in his time underground, but being surrounded by people while being alone in the crowd is unlike being alone with someone, forced to interact.

Kimi shakes his head. 'I haven't seen someone eat like this before,' he explains.

Feeling rather foolish, Nico lifts the bowl to his lips and finishes the rest of his soup. 'We had...' Nico trails off, trying to find the appropriate words. 'What we had to eat underground had been different,' he finishes. He knows he'll never be able to find the words to describe the thin gruel and the army rations, labelled 'Roast Chicken' and 'Mashed Potatoes' and tasted like anything but their labels.

Kimi looks at him with eyes that say that he has seen worse, and Nico chews on his lower lip, unsure of what to say. That life underground is over now that he's back outside, and he doesn't see any point in remembering any part of it.

(After all, there's nothing good to remember about it. He had lost his family, lost his friends, lost everyone. He had learnt not to get close to anyone ever again, but now... He reminds himself that this isn't going to be anything. He's only going to persuade Kimi into sticking together because two is better than one. It'll be easier to fight the Infected off together.)

'So, um, what's next?'

 

'You're not coming with me.'

'Why not? I could help fight off the Infecteds while you drive.'

'You could barely do it yesterday.'

'I could use your rifle, if you'd teach me.'

'I work better alone.'

'I'd help you with anything! Just. Please.'

Kimi looks at Nico, who's looking up at him, eyes pleading. He wants to say no. Wants to walk away while he still can, so he wouldn't have to experience the pain of losing someone again.

' _Please_.'

(But he never learns, and he knows that he'll pay dearly for his decision when he relents, but some part of him tells him that no, he wouldn't regret this)

 

They hit the road soon enough. The radio in Kimi's car works, and Nico finds that Kimi's got bottles of fuel in the car boot.

There's a city up ahead, where the Infection is contained. Nico assures Kimi that he's able to drive, despite how he looks. He's pretty certain that the time he had spent underground had made him age faster, but Kimi laughs and tells him to look in the car's mirrors.

'Be careful,' Nico murmurs as Kimi steps hard on the accelerator. He adjusts his seat so that he's able to lie down comfortably and try to sleep.

'I know what I'm doing,' Kimi says, driving on. He doesn't say that he's been doing this for months, trying to get out of the godforsaken city that they had just escaped from. He doesn't look at Nico, because all he can think about is before this, when he hadn't been using the car to drive for his life, but to drive for what he had been passionate about. Nico isn't his co-driver, even though he's blonde, just like his co-driver had been. They're two different people. He doesn't know Nico well, and Nico's just someone who might accompany him for the end of the world. And maybe, just maybe, he might turn out to be a _friend_. Kimi swallows hard. 'Get some rest.'

 

Kimi steals a glance at Nico when he drives. Nico's eyes are closed, black hoodie draped across his shoulders as he sleeps fitfully.

 _He isn't a replacement for Heikki_ , Kimi tells himself. This is someone else entirely in the passenger seat of his car, not his even-tempered friend who had been in charge of reading out pacenotes as he drove across different terrains all around the world.

Nico lets out a cross between a snort and a whimper in his sleep. Kimi turns to look at him to make sure that he's alright, and he's relieved to find that Nico had merely shifted, clinging tighter to his hoodie. Kimi sighs as his attention returns to the road. Perhaps, everything will turn out fine after all. Even if it isn't Heikki any more, he supposes that in the end, he still doesn't want to be left alone.

 

Wild and unruly fields of grass line the long stretches of road they drive on. The journey is filled with silence, settling around them as Kimi drives. Nico looks out of the window, barely recognises his surroundings, but thankfully by the time they're out of food and water, they're at the outskirts of a city.

It's the first time Nico has seen so many people in days, there are cars trying to get in and there's what looks like border control, and crude wooden fences erected in a line, as if it would be useful in keeping the Infected out.

There's a car behind them, their car is rolling to a stop because of the traffic ahead of them, but a quick look in the rear view mirror tells Kimi that the car behind isn't stopping. The lane beside them is clear, there's a car coming down that lane too but Kimi slams hard on the accelerator, the car's surging forward with a roar as he swerves aside abruptly, entering the lane and Nico's gripping the door handle so hard that his knuckles are white.

The car behind them rams on the brakes, but the brakes lock up, and the other car slams into the rear of another car, pushing it forward. The road is a mess, and then Kimi is driving, the other cars are moving in different directions, some trying to cut ahead, some locked in reverse, and then he's off the road now but it doesn't matter as there're no barriers. He's driving on the grass and gravel, cutting ahead of the other cars as the stretch of cars behind them goes up in flames.

 

The border official is a bald man with tufts of silver hair lining the area above his ears.

'I saw you drive,' he says, peering down at Kimi as another official administers a saliva test to check for signs of Infection. 'You'd make a good driver for the Races.'

Kimi looks up at him, mouth dry. 'What race?'

The official leans closer. If you don't mind racing through cities and towns full of Infecteds,' he says, voice a low whisper. 'There's a place you can go. Tell them Sauber sent you.'

 

Kimi and Nico's first night in the city is spent in an abandoned car park, and they sleep in their car with the windows rolled down, just a little. Here, in the city, the Infection's contained, life goes on as per normal. Money buys things, money ensures that your face is up there on the billboard and Kimi has almost forgotten how it had been like to see neon lights at night. Kimi's hardly got any money left because admittedly, having a wallet full of cash had been the last thing on his mind when everything had gone to hell. Nico doesn't even have any form of identification on him any more – all he has to his name are his clothes, that's it.

'You're going to do this,' Nico says breathlessly. They both know that Kimi had been thinking about it ever since the stranger had told him about it.

'Yes,' Kimi answers, voice resolute. 'Racing is all I have ever known.'

 

The location Sauber gives them is an old racing facility in the heart of the city. Kimi's asked to drive a couple of laps around the circuit, and at the end of it, a short old man with a white mop of hair has Kimi wind down his window, and he looks Kimi straight in his eye.

'Sauber sent you,' the man says. He squints beneath his oval glasses. 'I've seen you before. What was it, rally?'

Kimi nods, and the man laughs.

'Welcome aboard.'

 

The race is pretty straightforward. The cars line up and drive through an uncontaminated area, and the race only begins when they cross the border of the town or city. Each car goes in with a full tank and two extra bottles of fuel. The car's fitted with an on-board camera, so viewers will be able to see where the car is headed, and GPS to track where the cars are. They're also given a map and a few bottles of water. Everything else is up to the sponsors.

There are no rules when it comes to the Infected. You can open your door or wind down your window to shoot down the Infected. By now, governments have declared the Infected as monsters, and they are stripped of human rights once they Turn. Each team is given a gun and a rifle with a couple of rounds, and that's it.

Specific time limits are given for each race. The first race is held in a small town, a four hour drive away from the city that they're currently in. It's surrounded by tall fields of wheat and corn, languishing without proper care.

 

Kimi and Nico find themselves driving a vintage car around the old racing facility. The vital statistics of the drivers are flashed on huge screens, where they're rated based on preparedness and their previous wins.

Not surprisingly, Kimi isn't in very good standings. A sabbatical of sorts while he had tried to escape the Infecteds doesn't look particularly good, especially since it's written off with a simple 'he had dropped off the grid for more than half a year'. All he's got to his name is a couple of finishes in the top ten spots in rally, and two wins. He is, however, surprised to learn that his co-driver had been a student at one of the top universities studying Aeronautical Engineering, even though he hadn't been able to graduate because of the virus. It doesn't count for much though, especially when they're up against people who've got co-drivers who are experienced bounty hunters, extremely useful in helping to fight off the Infected as the drivers do their job.

Nico tells Kimi that there are a number of important people amongst the spectators at the grandstands. Government officials, powerful businessmen and old nobility watch them as they go round the track. He doesn't really understand, because as far as he's able to gather, the race is actually somewhat illegal. He's pretty certain no one in the right mind would allow such a dangerous activity to become a sport, watched for entertainment while people are still fleeing from the Infection all around the world. At the same time, he's in no position the question the ethicality of the entire affair, given how he's a willing participant in this. They're all in it for the money after all, and at the end of the day, no matter how gruesome it might be, it's still a job. 

 

In a way, this is like rally all over again. They've got to get sponsors, but here, they're involved in a more direct manner, where sponsors can give teams important things such as heat sensors to help detect Infecteds. Extra tyres in case you've got a puncture in the middle of the race. More bullets and rounds, assorted types of guns and weapons and greater firepower to help you fight off the Infected. Money to modify your car, money to tide you over when you crash and incur a penalty because the car isn't yours.

There are the effortlessly popular, predicted to win this round of the race, and then there's Kimi and Nico, wildcard entries that almost no one's willing to bet on.

 

Kimi adjusts the camera on his car, it's attached to the dashboard and it's supposed to transmit images of where his car is headed. Nico's looking at the map given to him, the time limit they're given is two hours, and although it'd be safer to go directly around the town, only to enter at the last moment to get to the designated exit point, they'd never be able to make it out in time. But to cut straight through would be equally insane.

 

When the lights go out, all hell breaks loose.

The brakes of a car to their right locks up, while someone down the line crashes out, slamming straight into the rear of another car. Kimi slips away from the group, entering a series of small lanes while the other cars head for the main road.

 

They drive through, refuelling when they're at the halfway mark. They should've done it before they had gone in, when they had been at the edge of the infested town, but they didn't, and now they're paying the price.

The Infected come from the shadows, and Nico shoots at them with the window wound down, hands shaking. They look like normal humans, but up close, he sees their glassy eyes, their listless stare, and he squeezes his eyes shut and fires. The Infected are the stuff of nightmares, they're not like the living. He manages to take a few down, but some shots go wide, and then there's more, crowding closer. The town is bathed in the warm orange glow of the evening, but Nico feels nothing but chills running down his spine.

'Are you done?' Nico asks, panicking, breathing heavily. His long blonde hair sticks to his skin, white t-shirt almost transparent, and Kimi sucks in a deep breath. 'What?' he asks self-consciously, feeling Kimi's gaze on him. Now's not the time for this, not when they're facing an actual threat, where they might get _killed_ trying to get out of this mess, but he blushes all the same even as he takes out yet another Infected.

Kimi shakes his head. He screws the cap to the fuel tank back on and shuts the compartment. 'Let's get out of here,' he says. He kicks an Infected that had been trying to get to the car aside, and Nico realises that his heart rate doesn't return to normal until much later, when they have left that particular spot behind.

 

The roads are narrow, and there are many dead ends. The town is empty, and Nico wonders if there are others in there, uninfected people, trying to escape, while they race through for the entertainment of the wealthy and the privileged. Kimi drives carefully, there are cars and vans and buses lying abandoned on the streets, not to mention the countless number of Infected about. They speed past shops with broken windows, and when they make it out on to the main street, they emerge almost neck to neck with another car.

 

They win the race, much to Nico's surprise. Kimi shrugs, although his lips curl up in a tiny smile when he's handed a bottle of champagne and the prize money.

 

They share a room at a hotel.

Nico had ended up drunk somewhere in between the farce of a podium and the huge party thrown by the race organisers afterwards. He wakes up to find himself sprawled unceremoniously on the bed on Kimi, and his cheeks flush, embarrassed when Kimi, still asleep, pulls him closer.

 

The money they win from the race is good enough to last them for a while. Even after the world has supposedly ended, money still talks, and they're back in the city where they had started from. There's another race further out south though, and they know they have to head there soon if they want more money.

Kimi tells Nico about the beginning, when it had been crazy, with people getting turned all over the place. Over time groups had sprung up, wiping the Infected out. There had been those who had conducted experiments, and Kimi tells Nico that he had read somewhere that the Virus caused mental decay – it's the reason why the Infected are killed so easily.

 

Kimi's beside Nico, they're at a shooting range, and Kimi's teaching Nico how to shoot better. They've got their earmuffs on, and Nico's hand is shaking even as he pulls the trigger. The shot goes wide, and Kimi holds his hand, and Nico stills, soaking in the warmth of Kimi's touch. Over the hour, his shooting gets better, he's nowhere near the target, but they aren't that far off any more.

'How was it like, racing before this?' Nico asks later, when they're walking back to the hotel.

'Good,' Kimi answers. He doesn't elaborate, so Nico doesn't ask, but at the same time he's curious. He had seen Kimi's victories and finishes all written out on the screen that day before their first race together, but it's one thing to hear it from the man himself, and another to see it flashed on some board used to value his worth. Had the Virus not spread, Nico supposes he'd be out there, working in the motorsport field, as a race engineer, perhaps. It's funny how things turn out, he muses, falling into step beside Kimi, who's got his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans as they walk underneath the dim glow of the streetlights.

 _You always get what you want when you least expect it_.

 

Before their next race, they're gifted with more rounds, some medical equipment and an extra bottle of fuel. Someone's impressed, but not impressed enough to get them expensive things like heat sensors.

 

The next time they race, the door is nearly torn off their car. A window is smashed in, the Infecteds mob their car, and all Kimi and Nico can do is to watch in horror as the Infecteds manage to overwhelm a car in front of them.

Nico's shaken afterwards and he's so distracted that an Infected almost gets to him through the open window. It had clung to the roof of the car and for some odd reason, both of them hadn't noticed its presence. Nico shoots at the Infected, but it's too late, the car lurches to one side and Kimi loses control.

They crash.

 

They manage to get out of it though, and somehow they struggle through, coming out in tenth place. The last few minutes had been insane, to say the least. Another car had driven close and banged into Kimi's side, and Kimi had retaliated by accelerating and sending the car in a spin towards the left, slamming the rear end of his car against it. After that it had been a battle of speed, with Kimi finally pulling ahead. The car had been in a pretty bad shape by then, the glass on the left headlight had been shattered and the bumper's smashed in, but otherwise, the car had still worked, rolling to a pathetic stop afterwards.

This time, Nico's the one bandaging Kimi's head. There's a couple of shallow cuts on his forehead, but it's nothing too serious compared to what they had just escaped from.

The organisers had been angry, and needless to say, they had been slapped with a penalty for damaging the car.

 

'We made it out alive,' Nico murmurs.

The hotel they're staying in has a rooftop pool, and they sit together at the edge of the pool, legs soaked in the water. There's no one else around, given how the pool is supposed to be closed, and well, it's three in the morning.

Kimi's beside Nico, he's close, and all Nico has to do is move closer, just a little bit. He swallows hard, and wills himself to stay put, kicking his legs in the water.

'Yeah,' Kimi says. They look up at the night sky, it's pitch black, and Nico wonders when he had last seen the stars.

 

The next race is held in the countryside. They alternate, taking shifts as they drive towards the race venue, and Nico finds himself smiling contentedly, basking in the warm rays of the sun filtering through the windows as Kimi sleeps beside him in the car. The racing is crazy, and he doesn't look forward to having to shoot the Infecteds as if they're nothing more than mere targets. But at least he's got something to go on living for now. He's got Kimi, and it's a whole lot better than whatever he had before.

 

They come out of the next driver's parade empty handed. Unsurprisingly, after their poor performance in the previous race, they don't get anything. They're supposed to rely on luck, and Nico feels the weight of the precious few bullets they have on his palm, wondering if it'll be enough. He looks at Kimi, who merely shrugs.

 

The time limit for the race is five hours. The town is huge, and some of the townspeople had set off a couple of homemade bombs in certain areas in a futile attempt to destroy some of the Infected. The map is a crude sketch, and Kimi decides not to take the risk of going into the unknown, so they drive around the town instead. It's a fairly peaceful drive through bumpy terrain, and only a couple of cars follow them, but Kimi loses them amidst the tall grass. Most of the other cars go through the town, it's much faster that way, and besides, they've got heat sensors to help them look out for Infecteds anyway.

Luck doesn't get them very far, but it gets them to sixth place, and it's far enough for them to have enough money to last for a little while longer.

 

Sharing a room is something they do often, but it's usually with them sleeping on separate beds, or with Kimi sleeping at the edge of the left side of the bed, and Nico lying on his side, trying not to edge closer. He remembers how awkward the morning after had been when they had ended up in the same bed after getting drunk on champagne and vodka, and pulls the blanket closer to his body.

 

Vanilla ice cream is something Nico hasn't had in a long time. He licks at the ice cream, it's in a waffle cone and it's sweet and thick and creamy. Nico swirls his tongue on the confection with a happy sigh, he had never expected to be able to taste it again. They're sitting at one of those tiny metal tables with equally tiny metal chairs at an ice cream shop near a fountain in the city. The water doesn't run any more in the fountain, but the statues are still there, a mermaid still holding out her jug, waiting for the water to pour.

A comfortable sort of silence settles around them, but at the same time, Nico feels obliged to carry a conversation as they eat. There's something that Nico had been curious about at the start, and he decides to take the plunge. 'Does your tattoo mean anything?' he asks, eyeing the Kimi's wrist.

Kimi shakes his head. 'I was drunk, and it seemed like a good thing to do then,' he says, taking a bite of his ice cream.

'And now?'

'It reminds me of an old friend,' Kimi says, thinking of Heikki, of his wide grin, of the light in his eyes whenever he smiled. But that time is gone now, and Heikki is now lost to the city he had fought so hard to get out of. He sucks in a deep breath and pushes the thought aside. Today is a new day, and life has to go on. He takes another bite of his ice cream, relishing the sound of the crunch of the chocolate outer covering of his caramel ice cream.

There's a smudge of chocolate at the corner of Kimi's mouth, and Nico resists the urge to lean over and lick it off for him. He shouldn't be feeling this way, he doesn't know if Kimi would ever feel anything like that towards him, and if he's going to stick with him until the world ends, he's not supposed to feel this attracted to him. It wouldn't work out. Kimi looks at Nico, catching his gaze, and Nico's cheeks burn as his gaze drops to his ice cream, and he licks at it, desperately trying to pretend that he hadn't been staring at Kimi's lips.

(What Nico doesn't notice is the way Kimi watches him as he eats his ice cream, and how Kimi swallows hard when he sees Nico's pink tongue darting out to lick the ice cream from his lower lip)

 

Their next race is more vicious.

They drive through one way streets, constantly trying to stay ahead as the car behind surges forward, trying to ram into the rear of their car. There are nails scattered all over the asphalt, probably left behind by another team. Kimi swerves to his left, driving on the pavement instead. The car behind is hot on their heels as they turn into a wider road with two lanes. Kimi's on the inside, he rams on the accelerator and the car lurches forward.

There's a T junction up ahead, and the other car makes a late dive in an attempt to pass Kimi before they reach the intersection. Kimi holds his foot on the brake as Nico tells him to turn right, letting the other car overtake them. The car turns, and Kimi makes sure he changes lanes and turns quickly, pulling away before the other car can come back in reverse to ram against the rear of their car. It proves to be a needless worry, for soon, they're hearing the screech of tyres from the other car, and after Kimi makes the turn, they hear a loud crash. Kimi's driving faster now, they're getting further away.

And then they hear the deafening sound of an explosion from behind them.

 

The streets up ahead are filled with carnage, of a battle that had been fought not too long ago. The pavements are stained with blood, and rotting corpses litter the ground. Nico does his best not to look, while Kimi keeps his eyes on the road up ahead. They've got to press on, and if the streets are in this state, it's likely that they wouldn't be mobbed up ahead.

What they don't expect is to drive past the abandoned car of another team, with its windows smashed in, and a swarm of Infecteds lying in wait for them at the next turn.

 

Kimi drives through the crowd of Infecteds at breakneck speed, and it's a miracle that the windscreen doesn't break from the impact of body after body hitting it. Nico cringes at the sickening crunch of the sound of some part of an Infected breaking as the car slams into it. The car jerks as it goes over something unknown, and as much as Nico would like to help Kimi in some way, it's impossible, opening the window to take a shot would be courting death.

They're close to the finish line now, and according to the map it's the road that would lead them straight to the exit. That is, if they're able to get out of the mess they're currently in. Kimi's trying to continue driving, but the crowd up ahead is thicker. He sends the car into a spin and the Infecteds disperse, with some backing up to avoid the car while others lunge forward, desperate to attack the both of them. It creates a small opening on the left, and then there's a shrill cry, and Nico makes the mistake of looking back. The attack outside has begun, one Infected bites another one, and then there's a spray of blood as another Infected bludgeons the limbs of another one.

The car is accelerating rapidly now, having broken free of the crowd, but there's a crash and the sound of glass being broken. Nico turns around and comes face to face with an Infected, clinging to the back of their car, trying to make its way into the car. The rifle's useless here, Nico scrambles for the gun, he's panicking and the Infected's squeezing its way through, working its way towards Kimi when Nico throws himself over his seat, pushing the Infected's head aside. It lets out a howl, teeth snapping around nothing as Nico pushes its head against one of the car's rear windows. He presses the gun to its head, and Nico's heart is pounding hard and fast against his ribs, he's about to put a bullet through the head of something that still looks very much like a human. He still hasn't gotten over this, and he hesitates momentarily. His grip loosens, allowing the Infected to turn its head. It drags its teeth along Nico's wrist, trying to sink its teeth into his flesh but Nico reacts quickly enough, and he fires.

The car charges forward, towards the finishing line.

 

A third place finish is what greets them when they emerge from the race, Nico looking visibly shaken after having thrown the dead Infected out from their car. Kimi squeezes his shoulder tightly, and Nico leans into his touch.

 

This is how the Infection began.

Genetic engineering of food had resulted in a freak accident, and instead of making fish resistant to certain types of bacteria, contamination had occurred. A new sort of parasite had been created instead, and later on, studies had shown that the parasite attacked the brain. The Virus creates a worm, which attaches itself to the back of a person's brain. The worm travels up via the bloodstream, and because people had been infected by eating that particular fish with ulcers in their mouths, or cuts on their lip.

The worm releases offspring that stay in the human mouth because of its alkalinity. It's the reason why the Virus is transmitted via bites, as they _have_ to be released into the bloodstream for the Virus to be passed.

This is precisely why Kimi ends up cutting his arm for blood for Nico. The blood flows freely, and it hurts like fuck, but Kimi bites his lip and tells himself that it isn't too much for him to bear. He looks at Nico, and knows that it will hurt him more, because it's almost as if he's poking a straw into Kimi and draining him of his blood.

 

It's awkward after the first time Nico drinks from Kimi.

Nico stays in their hotel room, and Kimi leaves at daylight, only returning after dark.

They don't leave the city until they absolutely have to for the next race.

Nico thinks that maybe, just maybe, he hadn't been bitten at all. Nico doesn't really know, there had been faint scratch marks at his wrist, nothing more. He doesn't even remember if he had bled. He doesn't feel the bloodlust, or at least, he _thinks_ that he doesn't feel it. Kimi had made him drink from him though, saying that it'd be better if they had taken precautions.

(Or maybe, just maybe, the bloodlust hadn't set in yet. Perhaps there's a window in between the Infection and when you actually Turn into a monster, mind consumed by nothing but bloodlust, and Kimi had gotten to him before he could turn into a monster. Nico has absolutely no idea.)

'Why don't you just kill me instead,' Nico asks quietly when Kimi holds out his arm for the second time. There's a cut, with blood welling up from beneath the skin. Above the line of crimson is the wound from the cut that Kimi had made the other day, when Nico had supposedly been bitten. Nico remembers the metallic taste of Kimi's blood on his lips and tongue, and he shudders. 'Besides, we don't know if I'm really Infected or not.'

'Don't be stupid,' Kimi says.

Nico looks at him quizzically, and Kimi's gaze hardens.

'You can't leave now,' Kimi continues, and Nico swallows hard, letting the implications of Kimi's words sink in.

 

Silence stretches out for what seems like forever during their next race.

This isn't street racing, this is stretch after stretch of expressway, with crazy turns and a ridiculous hairpin in the middle of nowhere. There are Infecteds all over the place, some on the road, some at the sides of the road, and some lying flat out on the road itself. Nico feels his heart drop when Kimi accelerates, and the car jumps over the bodies lying on the asphalt.

There's another car gaining on them, and Kimi swerves to his right, avoiding the Infected. They're all running towards his car, and he brakes hard as they go into a turn. Nico takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, hearing the familiar sound of a car crashing into Infecteds behind them. Kimi is pulling away, car hurtling forward with the finish line nowhere in sight.

 

Miraculously, they come out fifth. There's blood on the windscreen, and bits of flesh on the bumper of the car, but they're alright, and that's all that matters.

 

They spend nights together in the city, in between races, just like they always have right from the start. And it's on one of these nights that they lean closer, and closer, so close that their shoulders touch and if they turn around at the same moment, their lips would touch too, and Nico thinks, in another life, this is exactly how it should be.

 

Slow, tentative touches, with Kimi's fingertips brushing against the inside of Nico's wrist grow to longer, lingering ones, with Nico dragging his fingertips across Kimi's scars. They are silver lines marring his pale skin, and part of Nico feels guilty for causing it, while another part of him feels glad that they're there, so that if one day, when he's gone, Kimi will look at the scars and remember that he once had Nico, that he had existed.

 

This is how it happens the first time they fuck.

They kiss, open mouthed and sloppy and Kimi's careful not to bite down, careful not to use his teeth. Nico moans, arching against him as Kimi licks at the sensitive skin above his collarbone. Nico's shirt is thrown somewhere across the room, and Kimi's exploring every inch of Nico's skin. His fingertips brush against scars, and when he takes a nipple into his mouth, Nico cries out, fingernails sinking into Kimi's shoulders. They leave angry red crescents, and Kimi looks up at Nico with a satisfied look on his face.

Kimi's got one hand on the button of Nico's jeans, undoing it, pulling down the zip. Nico lifts his hips, peeling off his jeans and underwear, and it goes across the room in the vague direction of Nico's shirt. Nico's breath hitches when Kimi wraps his hand around his cock, pumping slowly. His eyelids flutter close and he throws his head back, exposing more of his neck when Kimi places a kiss near his adam's apple while he jerks him off. When Kimi's hand stills, Nico growls, hand reaching in between them and Kimi feels it, the slow burn when Nico touches his skin.

Kimi sucks in a deep breath when Nico takes him in his hand, stroking. Nico's hand is angled in an awkward manner, and he bites back a moan as Nico rubs his thumb against his leaking slit, spreading the pre-cum on the tip of his cock. Kimi's other hand is on Nico's back, and his fingers trail downwards, past the ridges of Nico's shoulder blades, tracing his spine, stopping to rest at the small of his back. Nico whimpers from the loss of contact when Kimi removes his hand from his cock, and Kimi's almost unable to concentrate on getting the bottle of lube he had left on their bed and coating his fingers with it as Nico touches him.

Nico bites his lip, doing his best not to cry out when Kimi's fingers go lower, lower, dipping into the cleft of his arse before finally pressing against his entrance.

'Want you,' Nico pleads, whimpering as Kimi pushes a finger in, slick with lube. They should be resting, they've got a full day of racing ahead, but Kimi doesn't care, not with Nico like this, so hot and needy in his arms. 'Fuck me,' he whines, letting out a low moan when Kimi pushes another finger in.

Kimi is more than happy to oblige.

 

More sponsors mean more help in the form of extra fuel, rounds and tyres, nothing more. They're still one of the only cars not equipped with a heat sensor, and despite how Kimi would rather not risk getting mobbed by Infecteds, they bring their car into the thick of things because of the ridiculous time limit.

 

There's champagne for all after the race. They don't go for the after party though, and they wind up in the hotel room kissing one another, with Kimi tangling his fingers in Nico's hair, glad to know that they've made it out alive. Kimi presses kisses all over Nico's jaw and throat, to his neck as well, and then he goes lower, undoing Nico's trousers and underwear, pulling them down to mid-thigh. Nico's got his back pressed against the wall, with his shirt pushed up to somewhere above his nipples, and the way he's licking his lips, looking down at Kimi is ridiculously obscene.

Kimi leans forward and flicks his tongue over the tip of Nico's cock, and Nico makes a low, keening noise, hips bucking forward.

'Kimi,' Nico moans, voice shaky as Kimi wraps his lips around his cockhead. Kimi looks up at him, catching his gaze, holding it as he takes more of Nico in his mouth.

 

When Nico wakes up, he's in an odd state of undress, and Kimi's only got his shirt on while his boxers and jeans are in a heap on the other side of the bed. But he finds himself feeling strangely pleased that Kimi is beside him, holding his hand, with their fingers intertwined.

 

Even so, Nico thinks, this isn't what he had intended, he had never meant to fall into all this with Kimi. In a world as fragile as theirs, they might lose whatever they have at any moment. He shouldn't be doing this to someone else, especially when he knows that his time here is short.

Then again, everyone needs someone to hold on to, someone to keep them warm in the cold, freezing night. Someone to wrap their arms around them and tell them that everything will be alright, even as the world goes to hell. But when Kimi pulls him close, and Nico leans against his chest, listening to the steady sound of his heartbeat, he wonders if his heart still beats like this, even after his Infection. Is he still human? Or is he nothing more than a monster now, stealing warmth from Kimi, trying to pretend?

 

They continue racing. Nico finds his vision getting fuzzy at certain times, but he attributes it to lack of sleep because of their hectic schedules, rushing from one place to another to race. He ends up telling Kimi to turn right up ahead when they're on a straight road, and telling him to take a detour into a dead end.

 

'How do you feel?' Kimi asks. He knows that Nico's condition is getting worse, it's evident in the way he gives him directions as they race, and he's now taken to going with his gut feeling as to where to go after looking and trying to memorise the map. He's slowly getting used to Nico feeding from him too, getting used to cutting himself to feed Nico. It's oddly intimate, in a way, knowing that Nico could infect him so easily, and all that's stopping him is... He looks at Nico, eyes searching. _Just one bite_ , Kimi thinks, and Nico looks at him, eyes half lidded with lust.

Nico doesn't know how to describe it. The thirst for blood overwhelms him now, and even as he gulps down mouthful after mouthful of Kimi's blood, it feels as if it isn't enough. He's never going to be satisfied. It hurts, because he knows that Kimi's hurting, but at the same time it feels unbearably good, a giddy sort of pleasure that washes over him as he grips Kimi's arm tighter.

Kimi looks at Nico wordlessly. Nico's got one hand on Kimi's wrist, squeezing, and another hand sliding down Kimi's stomach, slipping lower to rest against his crotch. Kimi feels his heart beating faster, hears it in his ears, it's almost deafening.

 _I trust you_ , Kimi thinks, but Nico looks up at him, and all his eyes seem to say is _I'm sorry_.

 

The second time they fuck happens like this.

It's after a race, they didn't win, but they had been close, finishing second. Kimi looks down at Nico, spread out beneath him on the bed, wearing nothing but a smile. His heart is still pounding hard and fast against his ribs, he still remembers how they had almost been ambushed, still remembers how relieved he had felt to have gotten out alive. Nico looks up at him, with that knowing look in his eyes, and Kimi thinks _I want to write poetry with my fingers for you, to you. From the nape of your neck to the base of your spine to the inside of your knees, about stars bending together and planets drawing close galaxies away, just like the two of us_.

But it's something he's unable to express, the words form perfectly in his head but somehow they never leave his lips. So instead, he moves against Nico, fingers splayed against his hip as he rocks into him. The only thing that fills the room is that of the obscene sound of the slap of skin against skin, and Nico's soft moans.

 

The road is narrow, and Kimi's pushing hard. It's almost as if they're racing on a proper track, and the car beside them is pulling closer. Nico sucks in a deep breath. They're on the outside, and if the other car decides to spin, they'd crash into their side, and they'd probably be knocked off the edge.

They go into a turn up ahead, and Kimi edges forward. They come out wheel to wheel, and the other car's still on the inside. It's a matter of who can get their car to accelerate faster now as the lanes merge up ahead. They could either make it through, with one ahead of the other, or they could both crash out of the race.

Nico doesn't dare to open his eyes until much later, when Kimi's cruising to the finish line.

 

Kimi wakes up to Nico shivering beside him.

'Are you alright?' Kimi asks, groping in the dark for a torchlight. He switches it on, and peers at Nico, eyes still half lidded with sleep.

'Yeah,' Nico answers, clutching at the bed sheets. His eyes are glassy, and his hair clings to his face, damp with sweat, and Kimi knows something's off, but he's unable to place his finger on what it is. 'Go back to sleep.'

Kimi nods, swallowing thickly. He puts the torchlight aside and gets on the bed, wrapping his arms around Nico's waist, pulling him closer. Nico smiles, leaning back against Kimi and Kimi hugs him closer, because Nico is so, so cold.

 

Nico feels sick at the thought of another race, he doesn't know if he can handle staying awake any more. Sure, he had gotten to the point where he could see the Infecteds as nothing more than mere monsters, without any human rights, but what about him? He's one of _them_ now, and yet he stays in the car, shooting at others of his kind.

Or is he not? The Infected are bloodthirsty creatures without a trace of humanity left in them. He's different. He's still capable of rational thought, emotion and speech. They're not the same. He pushes the thought out of his head, and tells himself that this is what Kimi had used to live for, that doing this helps to keep him here, so he pulls himself together, and tells himself that he's fine. As long as he's getting blood from Kimi, it'll be alright. But is this really love? Or is it dependency and equivalent trade in a hopeless place? He doesn't know any more, but he knows that he wants Kimi, he needs him, needs more than just his blood. He needs his presence beside him, needs his warmth, filling him, reassuring him. And he supposes that that is all he needs to know, when he looks at Kimi, and sees that small upward quirk of his lips when he catches him looking.

(But it worries him, when they're driving on long stretches of road in silence, and Nico tries to remember how his life had been like before the Infection, he looks at his bracelet, trying to recall, but all he comes up with is nothing but a question mark)

 

They drive on, they're about to hit the expressway now, with Kimi sending the car into a spin to avoid an Infected that springs out in front of them. Thankfully, they don't go off the road, and Kimi rams on the accelerator, leaving the Infected behind. The road ahead is clear, but one can never be too sure, so Nico's clutching Kimi's rifle to his chest, ready to defend should they be faced with an attack by the Infected.

Nico winds down the window, and sticks his head out. There isn't a car behind them, and when he winds up the window, settling down again, he's breathless.

'Nico?' Kimi asks, looking at him from the corner of his eye.

'Stop the car,' Nico says, voice shaky.

Kimi raises an eyebrow, but obliges anyway. Within seconds, Nico's pressing a blade into Kimi's palm, and Kimi looks at him, wondering where to cut himself. He's not too sure if he'd be able to manage one on his thigh, what with how they're on a road like this, but one on his arm might affect his ability to drive.

Nico's grip is rough, and his skin is cold. 'Kimi,' he pleads, and Kimi lowers the blade, brings it down across his arm, and hopes that the smell doesn't attract more of the Infected.

 

Later, when they've stopped for the night, Nico kisses Kimi hard, and his lips feel like ice against Kimi's. He straddles Kimi, making quick work of his trousers and underwear, and soon enough he's riding him, fingernails sinking into Kimi's shoulders.

'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,' Nico gasps in between cries of pleasure. Kimi gulps hard, he thinks of how he had to push Nico away to stop him from drinking too much, and he cups Nico's neck in a bid to reassure him. Nico's clinging close as he ruts against Kimi. 'But you're so warm, so warm,' he murmurs.

Kimi runs his hand down Nico's back, trying to soothe him.

'Don't you see,' Nico continues, voice strained. He wants to say _I want to feel you against me, your heated skin scorching my flesh, setting me on fire from within_. But the words don't feel right on his tongue, so he settles for saying 'I burn for you' instead, voice impassioned, and Kimi doesn't know what he can say to that. Because Nico is so cold, he feels so fragile, almost as if he could fall to pieces at any moment. So all he does is to kiss Nico, and hope that he'd know what he had been trying to say all along, that everything will turn out fine, as long as they're willing to try.

 

The next race is split into two parts. They have to drive into an Infected area, get to the other side, rest for a day, and go back through again.

 

It is the end of the first leg of the race, and they're out in the wilderness.

'We can't go on like this,' Nico says, teeth chattering, shivering against Kimi. They're sitting in a clearing, surrounded by trees so tall that they can't see the sky. Kimi swears Nico's body temperature is too low for him to even be alive, Nico's fingertips feel like ice on his skin, and by now, Kimi doesn't care if he'll attract anything by starting a fire in the middle of nowhere.

He wraps Nico in his arms, holding him close, and Nico looks up at Kimi, lips pale.

'I can't go on,' Nico says, taking deep, shuddering breaths. It's almost as if it's becoming more and more difficult for him to speak, and Kimi looks at him, pained.

Kimi hasn't got a clean blade around anymore, the last one he had had been used to get rid of an attacking Infected, so he ends up smashing a bottle of beer, picking up a sharp piece of glass. He's risking everything, there may be other Infecteds out there, they'd be attracted to the smell of his blood, but all he can care about now is making sure that Nico's alright.

'Kimi.' Nico's voice is hoarse, and Kimi takes a deep breath, pressing down. He feels the glass glide over his skin, feels the sting as blood wells up along the cut. Nico bites his lip as Kimi cups his neck, pushing him forward.

'Drink,' Kimi says, voice strained, and he closes his eyes when he feels Nico's hands on him, pressing, letting the blood flow.

'It's not working,' Nico murmurs, but he drinks anyway.

 

Later on, Nico's curled up against Kimi, and he's got a makeshift bandage of a towel around his arm. The bleeding has stopped now, and thankfully, Kimi's blood had not attracted other Infecteds.

'I love you,' Nico murmurs, leaning up, pressing his lips to Kimi's neck. 'I need to say it now, or I'll never be able to say it anymore.' He's shivering, but the air is still and warm.

'You can't leave me,' Kimi says roughly. Nico hears the quiver in his voice, and responds by sucking a bruise into Kimi's skin, just above his collarbone. 'Not like this.'

 

They fall asleep together, in the back of the car. It's cramped, and their limbs fit together in the oddest of places. Nico's head rests on Kimi's chest, listening to his steady heartbeat.

'Don't go,' Kimi murmurs. His fingers are entwined with Nico's, and Nico squeezes Kimi's fingers reassuringly.

'I'm not leaving,' Nico replies.

 

In the morning, Kimi finds Nico with his finger on the trigger of his gun. His eyes are closed, he looks like he's finally at peace, but Kimi knows better.

A bullet to the head. This is how it all ends.

 

It's the second leg of the race. The cars are all lined up, ready for the start, it'll happen any time now.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five red circles light up ahead of them.

The lights go out, and Kimi steps hard on the accelerator.

 _Sometimes, when you race, it's not about being the first to cross the finish line. It's about driving fast and going faster, like you're out to crash, all too eager for your life to go up in a burst of flames_.

**Author's Note:**

> written for orelseanending@lj for f1slash secret santa 2012 with the prompt of a post-apocalyptic au. huge thank you to betas and cheerleaders lynette, megan, kat, nessa, renz, mel and sarah. i couldn't have done it without you all.


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